The Tattered Gypsy... What's in a name?

Sometimes I think I've spent most of mylife being blown around by the wind. The other day I was texting someone with a past similar to mine - in that both of our fathers were in the Air Force and we were "military brats." While exchanging all the relevant information about the places we've lived - I realized why I embrace the name "The Tattered Gypsy" to the extent that I have. Well - here is the "gypsy" part of my story.

My father was in the Air Force back in the day the powers that be believed in moving everyone around "alot." I was born in Montgomery, Alabama - then we promptly moved to San Antonio, Texas, where we lived for a couple of years. We then moved to Bit burg, Germany for 1 1/2 years - then moved to Spangdolem, Germany for another 1 1/2 years. From there it was Dover, Delaware, followed by Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. From there my father moved ahead of us to the Philippine Islands. I went to a small rural school in Wetumpka, Alabama for about three months (which became very memorable since it was the early 1960's at that time - but that's another story!) After surviving those three months, we moved on to live at Clark Air Force Base in the Philippine Islands. We lived 1 1/2 years off-base then moved on-base for the duration of the time (another 1 1/2 years.) The period in the Philippines was "marked" by Elvis meeting Priscilla (who was my age & a "military brat" who lived in Germany at the time - a tiny bit of envy there), the arrival of the Beatles to the music world (I promptly cut my hair John Lennon style!) and the assassination of our then President - John F. Kennedy. From the Philippines we moved to Big Spring, Texas where (you can probably guess it by now...) we lived off-base for 1 1/2 years and then moved on base for the duration of my high school years (another 1 1/2 years.) I moved with my parents to Wichita Falls, Texas for about 1 1/2 years - then moved on my own to Dallas, Texas where I promptly meet and married - guess what??? - a military man!

Okay - so now the part of my life as a "military wife"... From Dallas we moved to Fort Riley, Kansas for about 1 year. Then to San Antonio, Texas for about 1 year. Then to Colorado Springs, Colorado for a little less than 2 years. From there it was over to Frankfurt, Germany for (guess what..) about 1 1/2 years. Then back to Colorado Springs, Colorado. By then I was about 26 years old and I had never lived in one house longer than 2 years in my entire life. And for the next 18 years - the longest I lived in one house was a little over 3 years. I was about 42 years old by then.

Now here comes the most amazing part of my life to me..... I have lived in the SAME HOUSE since 1992. Whew - that was long in coming. (And yes, as I've already mentioned, I am 60 this year.) But I have to tell you, about every year and a half I feel as if there is something I should be doing that I'm not. So now I start businesses and then about a year down the road start thinking of a new name that would describe it better. I guess we all find ways to integrate our past lives with our current one and that seems to be working for me at the moment. But lately I've noticed I've got an "itch" again - both of my daughters have moved to New Orleans, and I keep thinking, hmmmm, how great would it be to be part of the rebuilding of a city..........

Love & Peace,
Pam (aka The Tattered Gypsy)

Layers of a Painted Life

Life is like a box of chocolates.... Life is like an onion, peel away the layers....

I've had a realization about my life - a light bulb moment, if you will - my life is like an old canvas, each significant part of my life is a painting painted over the previous significant part. I think every time I moved to a new home as a child - that was a painting. Well, I changed homes every year and a half until I was twenty one. From twenty-one until my early forty's, the longest I lived in one place was four years. Since 1992 I have lived in the same house. I think that is significant. That is a lot of paintings with one very thick top layer.

For someone who lives in the moment - or the current layer of her own painted canvas - this is a revelation. But what does it mean?

Yesterday I was reading through a thread on a blog and became very agitated. Yesterday was not one of my better days. This may sound strange, but I am so grateful that my drugs of choice are Pepsi and chocolate! Maybe you can see where this is going.... The beginning of 2009 I decided to quit drinking soft drinks; IE: Pepsi. It is now the end of March and I have had a Pepsi three times - one of those three times was yesterday. Why? Because it was one of those what-the-hell days. I was up to my eyeballs in an internal struggle I didn't understand. What does this have to do with reading a thread from a blog??? I've realized that I had started the process of projecting my own feelings of insecurity onto someone else - labeling them intense, grandiose, grand standing. What I came to understand is this is how I am feeling about some of my own blogs and some of the responses I've given to other posts.

Okay. How does this now tie into the "life is a painted canvas" theme? I think when I read the blog yesterday I chipped off a chunk of the oil on my life canvas. And the gouge was not a good feeling - but a necessary one. I don't know what this means overall, but I think it's part of a process I've been living for a long time - and now it's time to find a way to integrate all the layers. Maybe for me it's a matter of using a chisel, sandpaper and new paint to get to the real person that has been built up over the years. MAYBE that's why I'm obsessed with making all these little tiles lately! I fold the clay, roll it out, stamp into it, but it into a shape, dry it for a few days, sand it (a little), paint it, then sand it back to see what I have. Then I just keep sanding until I'm comfortable with the feel and look of the piece. I also have been working alot with ICON images - primarily Madonna & Child. I know this is important to me, I just don't know why - yet - so that's a post for another day.

So where does that leave me now - with my current life philosophy - I am left to "bless" the other person (or people) with whom I may have "struggled" - and with that I "bless" myself. I can now view what I read yesterday with compassion and understanding, knowing we are all just trying our best to make sense of every day. I will be more compassionate in any suggestions or advise I post in any blog. I will look into myself before making any judgements or pronoucments about anyone or their ideas. I will take more time to just be quiet and search for that feel of okayness in me that I seek in my clay tiles.

Peace,

Pam